September 15th, 2009 - Fuck You Numbers 37...and 38

At the beginning of the year, we watched a young teen idol try to make minced-meat out of the face of his, ahem, love interest. Then, we sat back and ridiculed and crucified an athlete who served his time, and accepted the consequences for his actions. And most recently, we witnessed a reality television star mutilate his ex-wife.

WTF America? It seems there are quite a few of us who have our heads up our asses.

No one however has their head further up there ass than Mr. Kanye West. Kanyeezy, Yeezy, Air Yeezy; the afrocentric Chicagoan who for one reason or another can't seem to get enough of himself. Unfortunately, the guy hasn't done anything positive for music since laying down some solid beats for Talib Kweli's Quality.

Let's look at what he's done since:

• He's taken others' ideas and music, and tried to make it his own (that's a given).


• He gave us auto-tune (hopefully Jigga stepped up and finally put it to rest).


• He has made a CLOWN out of himself on stage numerous times in an attempt to maliciously attack his fellow artists...

Wait a minute, that last one could be seen in a positive light, however his last stunt pulled on "TEENAGER" Taylor Swift at this year's MTV Video Music Awards was nothing short of appalling. Furthermore, the ass-faced producer claims he recognized it was a heartless thing to do moments after letting the words escape his mouth into the microphone in front of millions...can I throw the bullshit flag here, or does someone else want to? Even President Obama has reportedly commented on your lack of decency and respect for your "colleagues." You dick.

I can only hope (and an awfully big hope it is) that this most recent episode kills your career.

Fuck you Kanye West. And fuck the doctor who didn't leave your jaw wired shut back in '05.

Cheers.

September 9th, 2009 - Fuck You Numbers 34, 35 and 36

Fuck you Apple for tricking me into another product of yours that isn't ready for the masses. Fuck you Adobe for not coordinating with Apple to release a product that is compatible with your software.

FUCK YOU SNOW LEOPARD.

Cheers.

June 18th, 2009 - Fuck You Numbers 32 AND 33

Does anyone else see a significant problem in our judicial system here in the good ol' US of A?

Case in point - Check out the article here.

I recently touched upon a DUI that I unfortunately received September 29th, 2007. I was slightly more impaired than Mr. Stallworth was in the events mentioned in the news article above. I received a sentence of 15 days in jail, among a plethora of other guidelines that I was required to uphold and obligations I was instructed to fulfill. Due to Mr. Stallworth's monetary settlement with the family of the victim, he was sentenced to serve only 30 days in jail...yes that's correct - 30. And I say victim's family because in this particular scenario, a human being died.

DEAD.

I will steer clear (pun intended) of venturing into any elaborate details regarding how effed in the heads the family of the victim are for seemingly placing a price on their son's head. They're greedy prerogative is no business of mine. On the other hand, what kind of message are we sending to our children, and those individuals who will grow to represent our country after we have aged too old to do so?

I personally am appalled by what has happened here. Let me reiterate, 15 days for DUI; 30 days for DUI with vehicular manslaughter. If you've been contemplating scrubbing someone from this Earth, keep this little fact in mind.

Fuck America's judicial system. Fuck how ass-backwards this system is, and how it proves once again that EVERYTHING has a price. Oh, and fuck you too, Florida. What have you done for us in this decade?

Cheers.

June 11, 2009 - Fuck You Number 31

As most of you know, I spend most of my time within the creative atmosphere that is interactive design. Albeit marketing, advertising or just simply designing something for the fun of it, a large portion of my 24 hour day is dedicated to making stuff for the internet and its users.

I have a large array of clients ranging from local mom & pop shops, to national brands that most of you would recognize if I was to pull the proverbial "name drop." I'll refrain from doing this because I myself cringe at the mere thought of people name dropping.

Anyway, I'll get to the point.

Why do some (not all) clients feel the need to direct the creative, message and sometimes even the campaign that they've hired my company to put together for them? I understand this is your "baby," and that you have probably invested time and money into giving it life. But, if you're not going to trust my colleagues and I when it comes time to let us do what we do then why did you hire us in the first place?

Let me provide you with an example of how absurd this thought process is.

In September of '07, I was pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol. Needless to say, I had to attend several court proceedings where I ultimately sat and awaited judgment from a giant man with a wooden mallet. When the time came to venture into these exclusive meetings between me and the "mallet wielder," I let my lawyer do the talking and negotiating. Waaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute...seriously...I let my lawyer do what I hired him to do? Why? Because that's what he does, and hopefully he knows what he is doing. OH, and shit, I'M PAYING HIM.

So, for God's sake if you go to a restaurant and order food, let the chef cook your food. If you take your car into the mechanic, let him change the brakes. When you hire a contractor to build your house, let the contractor build your house.

Otherwise, do it yourself and don't waste our time.

Fuck those people who feel like they have to do everything themselves; those people who can't put a single ounce of trust into any one of their fellow humans.

Cheers.

May 20th, 2009 - Fuck You Number 30

As some of you might already know from a previous post, I've recently purchased a lovely KHS road bike. It has become very dear to me. I've spent at least an hour riding it every day since I purchased it three short weeks ago. My computer is becoming somewhat jealous.

Amidst all of the positive things it has brought me, it was nice enough to bring one negative; a pseudo pair of x-ray glasses that have allowed me to see how impatient and selfish the drivers of this beautiful city are.

On my ten minute ride to work this morning, I was nearly hit by a vehicle. Twice.

One of the first things we learn as children is to look both ways before crossing the street. This lesson is applicable to all forms of transportation, not just walking.

When you're in your car waiting to turn right at a red light, and I have the right-of-way, make sure I haven't begun to enter the intersection before you squeal the tires of your beautiful black BMW. I know you have to get to your meeting, but if you're sitting in jail on an alleged manslaughter charge, you're not likely to make your meeting as it is. Right?

And I'm going to be very pissed off lying six feet underground.

Instead of saying fuck you, I am asking that as a driver you pay attention to your surroundings while operating a two ton scrap of metal.

Please?

Cheers.

May 2nd, 2009 - Fuck You Number 29

I've been looking for a bike for some time now. The right bike, for the right price. Today some wonderful person posted my bike on Craigslist. This bike here.

Thanks person from Craigslist. You made my weekend.

Oh, and fuck you, car. There might not be a need for you any longer.

Cheers.

April 28th, 2009 - Fuck You Number 24

I was standing near the red carpet at the premier of Wolverine in Tempe, Arizona last night.

"Oh my god, like, I totally just saw Hugh Jackman and Taylor Kitsch?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Those are the words I hear screamed over, and over.

Over.

And Over.

I hear them screamed so many times that there is a point where I find myself peering into the mirrored sunglasses of the blonde 20-something standing next to me. And no, I'm not trying to look into her soul in order to try and score a piece of ass for this evening. I'm checking to see if my fucking ears are bleeding.

Jesus H.

When did celebrities become Gods? The Greeks had Aphrodite and Zeus; the Egyptians, Ra and Amun. Our society has become so lazy, we don't even attempt to CREATE our own. We settle for Angelina, and Patrick Dempsey.

This just in: you all are fucking clueless. These people our society idolizes are exactly like you and I. Believe it. There is nothing "special" about them.

Hugh Jackman is NOT REALLY Wolverine.

Fuck envy, and more-so, fuck all of you insecure assholes that hold Sarah Jessica Parker's life in a higher regard than the person sitting in the cubicle next to you.

Cheers.