April 28th, 2009 - Fuck You Number 24

I was standing near the red carpet at the premier of Wolverine in Tempe, Arizona last night.

"Oh my god, like, I totally just saw Hugh Jackman and Taylor Kitsch?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Those are the words I hear screamed over, and over.

Over.

And Over.

I hear them screamed so many times that there is a point where I find myself peering into the mirrored sunglasses of the blonde 20-something standing next to me. And no, I'm not trying to look into her soul in order to try and score a piece of ass for this evening. I'm checking to see if my fucking ears are bleeding.

Jesus H.

When did celebrities become Gods? The Greeks had Aphrodite and Zeus; the Egyptians, Ra and Amun. Our society has become so lazy, we don't even attempt to CREATE our own. We settle for Angelina, and Patrick Dempsey.

This just in: you all are fucking clueless. These people our society idolizes are exactly like you and I. Believe it. There is nothing "special" about them.

Hugh Jackman is NOT REALLY Wolverine.

Fuck envy, and more-so, fuck all of you insecure assholes that hold Sarah Jessica Parker's life in a higher regard than the person sitting in the cubicle next to you.

Cheers.

October 9th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 2

I was sitting at a stop-light yesterday on my lunch break. The new album from the Cool Kids echoed the words, "I, I, I'm Mikey, I, I, I rock this," and the half-cracked window let escape the smoke from the cigarette I was sucking on like a whore giving a blow-job. I looked across the intersection through the traffic, and I swear to you I saw Honesty and Integrity strolling out of a Starbucks. 

Impossible. 

They were seemingly banished from society several, several years ago. If memory serves, the last time I ran into them was when I was slipping out of my mom's uterus covered in my own after-birth and fecal matter. Now, I'd be lying to you if I told you I remember how enamored my mother and father were at this moment in time, but I know my parents; I'd bet you their faces were filled with more trust and real love, than Mother Teresa's ever was. I'd also bet that too was the last time you saw Honesty and Integrity.

What happened to doing what you said you were going to do? Where is the person who would tell you what was on their mind knowing very well it might not be what you want to hear? Why are we unable to give without expecting something in return? What a conniving and disrespectful ball of water and rock we're turning into.

We've become an army of ants stopping at nothing to reach the top, and the queen. We step on one another in the halls of high-rises. We lie to one another in the rooms of hospitals. We publicly humiliate [willing] human beings on the extravagant Hollywood stages of inexplicable reality-television shows. We do all this, for our own enjoyment and monetary gain. All to get an extra buck, because we've been shown happiness is directly correlated to the number of zeros in the far right column of our checkbook registry. 

Can all of this distress and all of this pain and all of this deceitful behavior be attributed to money? Why can't we treat each other with the dignity and respect we all deserve as people? 

Fuck you, greed. Fuck the voice that has been placed in our minds telling us we'll be happier if we can only get more of that proverbial, "cheddar". 

Cheers.