April 28th, 2009 - Fuck You Number 24

I was standing near the red carpet at the premier of Wolverine in Tempe, Arizona last night.

"Oh my god, like, I totally just saw Hugh Jackman and Taylor Kitsch?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Those are the words I hear screamed over, and over.

Over.

And Over.

I hear them screamed so many times that there is a point where I find myself peering into the mirrored sunglasses of the blonde 20-something standing next to me. And no, I'm not trying to look into her soul in order to try and score a piece of ass for this evening. I'm checking to see if my fucking ears are bleeding.

Jesus H.

When did celebrities become Gods? The Greeks had Aphrodite and Zeus; the Egyptians, Ra and Amun. Our society has become so lazy, we don't even attempt to CREATE our own. We settle for Angelina, and Patrick Dempsey.

This just in: you all are fucking clueless. These people our society idolizes are exactly like you and I. Believe it. There is nothing "special" about them.

Hugh Jackman is NOT REALLY Wolverine.

Fuck envy, and more-so, fuck all of you insecure assholes that hold Sarah Jessica Parker's life in a higher regard than the person sitting in the cubicle next to you.

Cheers.

April 24th, 2009 - Fuck You Number 23

Like Aaron Lewis said, "It's Been Awhile..."

I spent an hour-and-a-half on the phone today with a customer service representative whose English was, for lack of a better term, piss-fucking-poor.

I'm not about to go off on a "if you live in this country you need to speak English" rant, because I feel that has got to be one of the most disgustingly selfish requests of our society. However (and this is directed to YOU corporate America), if you're going to hire someone to HELP me with my issues and concerns, could you please ensure that the person HELPING me can make it through the English alphabet ONCE, without fucking up? I called you all, and I spent the better part of the conversation teaching this gentleman (and he was a nice man) elementary level English.

Fuck you corporate America. Fuck your constant thirst for that "paper" and your complete disregard for customer service, and those who ULTIMATELY provide you with that "paper."

Cheers.