November 24th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 17

Sometimes, I feel like I want to leave this place for good. No, no, not the Earth. I would have a harder time taking my own life, than the Denver police department would have figuring out who took Jon Benet's. I'm talking about this God awful city. This city can turn the most beautiful people into the fakest, greediest, and most self-absorbed schmucks. Something in the air causes people to care about two things; money, and how many red-lights they can run during their one-hour lunch break. The latter being a truly awesome phenomenon. 

In the four years that I have lived here on the face of the sun, I've seen three good friends come to inhabit this city, only to watch it suck every bit of decency out of their bodies. Three friends of mixed sex and race, who were once good, genuine, and caring people. Three people who have in one way or another, had a very positive affect on my life. Now, I sit back, and watch as they destroy themselves, their careers, and worst of all, their souls. I've watched this city suck the life-force right from their very being. Video tape an apricot sitting in a dehydrator for eight hours, put it into an editing suite, and apply a time-lapse filter to it. Then, watch it. You'll see a pretty good representation of what I am talking about.

But why? 

It is such a beautiful city. And the weather? Aside from the three months a year you dowse yourself in Gold Bond hoping to feel some sort of cool sensation, this place is paradise.

Who knows?! 

I've been trying to figure this out for quite some time now, and quite frankly, I've become exhausted while doing so. If anyone has any idea, please, help me out.

For now, I'll just chalk it up as fuck you number 17.

Fuck this city. Fuck you, Phoenix, Arizona, and your ability to lift your leg and piss on us all, like we're fire hydrants placed strategically among your busy streets.

Cheers. 

October 27th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 11

I sit here in Denver, Colorado. A beautiful city, indeed. So beautiful, it's hard for me to find something to gripe about.

But, fear not, I might have something. What's with the new "hipster" thing? Am I getting this old? I don't know when it became the "in" thing to paint on your jeans, find the oldest pair of Chuck Taylors, and comb your slicked-black hair down in front of your eyes so no one can recognize you. Honestly, this is "cool" now? Our forefathers would be infuriated. 

I don't think a person could look any less respectable. 

Now, I'm not discrediting these individuals as humans. I'm sure that there are quite a few personable, and good-natured persons beneath all of that rubbish, but I wouldn't know, as I'm immediately turned-off by their bizarre appearances. 

I suck. I know. And I might be a little judgmental. 

Sue me.

Fuck hipster dress. Fuck the fact that looking like you're off to a funeral for Glenn Danzig is seemingly cool in the eyes of our ever-failing society.

Cheers.

October 26th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 10

When someone holds a door open for your as you're rushing into the convenience store to get that much needed Diet Coke, do you take note of it? When you're standing in line at the grocery store and the woman standing in front of you lets you checkout first because you are only buying a roll of paper towels, do you see this and thank her? When someone does something out of the ordinary, do you say to yourself, "Wow, that doesn't happen everyday?" More importantly, do YOU do any of these things for others? Do you go out of your way to brighten someone's day, if even for a moment? When was the last time you held the elevator door open for the person jogging through the lobby, even though you were late for work?

These little things don't happen all that often. They're becoming somewhat of a rarity. It's too bad too, because it is these little things we're missing out on everyday, that help our society flourish. It is these small acts of kindness that make people realize that despite the wars throughout the world, and the crime riddled neighborhoods we drive through, humans are still good. We are still here to make this world better.

It is these little acts of kindness that we need to bring back to this world. These unselfish, pure, and genuine acts that let the person next to you know you're aware of the fact that there are other humans you share this planet with.

That's the word. Sharing. Something we're taught at a very young age. Share, America. Share the world with one another.

Fuck selfishness. Fuck this perpetual need to want anything and everything that you see.

Cheers.

October 8th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 1

It's no secret the human race is hurling downhill faster than an overweight twelve-year-old on a toboggan, drooling butter out of the corner of his mouth. I'm one to talk. I work for an advertising agency in one of the three Southernmost states in the good old USA. My job is somewhat unethical, immoral, and downright despicable; but enjoyable nonetheless. My sole duty is to perpetuate peoples' false wants and needs. 

For instance, just yesterday I paced back-and-forth at the front of a conference room convincing the CEO of a major ice cream company the demographic they're trying to capture is a 27 year-old female. That might be true if that female I had portrayed was a hefty broad scraping by on her food stamps. Instead, I used a pampered and primped blonde with fake tits, who just finished performing cunnilingus on an Asian woman for giving her what she thought was the "Sistine Chapel" of pedicures. You know her, the woman who injects substances into her brow for that extra boost of confidence.

There's something wrong in that second paragraph? Many would think the language used to describe the plastic blonde's act of burying her face in between the nail technician's legs to be inappropriate. Others would argue I was wrong in tricking this corporate big-wig into believing these women shoving their fingers down each others' throats would actually indulge in these delicious 2,000 calorie treats. No, no. The major concern at hand here is the image we as a society have ingrained in our minds as being right. In this case, the woman who feels a $100 debit transaction to have her nails painted pink will somehow help how the public views her.

The diets. The surgeries. The air-brushed centerfold. The tabloid photograph that praises Nicole Richie for looking like a piece of Barilla angel hair ready to be dropped into a pot of boiling water. It's repulsive. Someone let these women know they're beautiful. Someone let all humans know they are beautiful.

Fuck you, insecurities. Fuck these irrational and unrealistic portraits society has painted in our minds. 

And thus begins my 365 day rant directed toward the character flaws society has provided us to help destroy each other.

Cheers.