October 18th, 2008 - Fuck You Number 6

I have a younger sister, 26 years-old. She's a beautiful woman. Smart too. She has everything going for her. But for some reason, she is more interested in Brangelina than the upcoming presidential election. She would rather know where Lindsay Lohan was last seen belligerently flailing about, than where our current economic situation is heading. 

I blame the three publications she receives on a regular basis, People, US Weekly, and InTouch. In the name of everything that is holy, why are we still wasting our natural resources printing these god-awful journals. 

Seriously.

Has there ever been one intelligent thought put into these three "should be used for toilet paper" publications? Honestly, occasionally People will publish a semi-compelling story about a woman who lost 60 pounds after she overcame her urge to uncontrollably shove hotdogs in her mouth. But, is it newsworthy? Is any of the ink on the pages in InTouch newsworthy? US Weekly has a section called, Just Like Us. This section is dedicated to showing celebrities in "real world" situations, like Macaulay Culkin walking his dog down a busy Melrose street. Or Nelly Furtado eating ice-cream. 

Holy shit. Stop the press. Literally. Nelly Furtado eats ice-cream? You've got to be kidding me? She's like, a star, or something. She, like, couldn't eat ice-cream.

Fuck celebrity tabloids. Fuck the editors of these magazines for pounding this inconsequential information into our brains.

Cheers.